Facing Our Fates
by Kita Samuelle
Summary: Part One: The change had to be her. And she had done it. Part Two: I only wanted to help. To change Section. To make it better for the good of the recruits and abeyance. But the situation has turned against me. And in turn,against Michael. Two parts.
1. Part One

_**Part 1**_

Awakening in a Section bed, with someone leaning over me, sent me in to immediate shock.

What was going on here?

"You've been summoned for your evaluation."

Blinking, I know it's time to start remembering important facts quickly. I know I'm supposed to be dead. I can remember sitting in that metal chair, strapped down.

What had happened?

"Why am I not dead?" I finally ask when I can't remember. My mouth is dry, my voice hoarse. Why is that?

The operative, one I do not recognize, flashes me a look of surprise. "You don't remember?"

It felt like I had been smacked in the head. It throbbed. It felt like I was coming out of a drug induced sleep.

And then I realized I was. Operations's had been deceiving. He had lured me in that chair.

_Nikita._

Jumping out of bed and pushing past the confused operative, I start running. How long was I out? Is there still time? She can't be dead. She simply can't be.

If she was dead, I would be too. Even the fates couldn't be so cruel as to allow me to wake up if she would not.

Then I realize I don't know where she's being held. Looking back at the man, I do my best to look threatening while I tremble underneath. "Where is she? Where are they keeping Nikita?"

"In the evaluation room, of course. It's why I've been asked to bring you."

My feet, which I now notice are bare, skid to a stop. "Evaluation room? Not containment?"

A light finally came in to the operative's eyes. Not a very bright one, taking so long. "You don't know what happened? Well, you must have been out for a long time. Nikita's not dead. On the contrary, Madeline is. It's possible Operations may suffer the same consequences."

Wait...hold up. These words make no sense. A bunch of nothings pieced together wrong. "Why would Madeline be...dead?"

"The rumor is that she'd rather die than to be taken from her position. Another is that she couldn't bear the thought of Nikita running Section. Then there's -"

"Nikita running Section?" I interrupt. It was the most bizarre I had heard yet. She's supposed to be dead...but now she'd running the place?

"Really Michael, I have to get you to that evaluation room. Mr. Jones won't be happy if he's kept waiting and he certainly isn't in a very good mood. You can ask Nikita yourself if you wish."

There was no need. I started to figure it out on the way. Nikita double crossed Section. With Mr. Jones. With Oversight.

And I never had even the slightest clue. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad operative or a bad lover. Did I not pay enough attention to her, that I could have missed such a big factor of her life?

The thought of when she joined Oversight hits me hard enough to send me sprawling to the floor. By some miracle, I stay vertical, but just barely. I slip on my boots. My fingers are trembling. I can barely lace the strings. My thoughts are too far gone to register anything I physically am doing.

Had I been of some use in this? Was it possible she could have used me? Could it have been that she had managed to deceive me so thoroughly that I mistook it for love?

Thoughts were filtering too fast to keep up with. The words stopped forming. Something in my chest just twisted tighter and tighter, readying to snap. It was too much. One moment, I'm ready to die for someone I thought was already gone. The next, I'm questioning her every move. Her every smile. Her every tear.

Had there been meaning beyond my knowledge behind each of those?

She had a secret life that I had been blind to.

No matter how or when she had done this, it felt like payback to me. I had betrayed her thoroughly with my own secret life. She had found out the worst possible way. Showing up at my door. She had found out at the worst possible time. When she was about to be cancelled.

I now know how lost she must have felt. How confused.

My head aches. I can't ignore it. When I try, it just gets worse. There's so much the thoughts inside are trying to discover and unveil. It's overpowering.

And I find, for once, I'm not eager to see Nikita. Not just yet. Not until I can get suspicion for her out of my head. To clear the bad thoughts against her that may be forming.

A wondering if she had trapped me by allowing us to stay out of Section on that getaway was forming in the back of my mind. Even if it was true, I don't want to know. Didn't want to have to face it. To ruin such a perfect time with betrayal that I've already forgiven.

She did what she had to so she could survive here. Obviously, it had worked. She was alive still when she should be dead. She had made a powerful woman fall.

Change. It struck me suddenly. She was doing this for hope of change.

That gave me some hope. Hope that perhaps, not everything was a lie. It couldn't be a lie. I had too deep of a connection with her to let it be so. She just wanted security. She had looked around and what she saw needed change. She knew it wouldn't come from me. Or Operations. Nor Madeline.

The change had to be her. And she had done it.

She was a greater operative than I could have imagined. Which was saying so much.

"Right in here, Michael."

I'm mentally brought back to where I physically am. Standing by the doors. I know what is on the other side.

I know what must happen from here as my thoughts start to calm and piece together.

And if I know anything about Nikita, I will be leading my own execution. Will she be able to flat out give me my certain death orders? I have mixed feelings on the matter.

But no matter, I know what happens now. I've been here long enough to foresee my punishment for all I've done.

So it shall be like we decided earlier. I shall die so that Nikita will live on.

I used to say that if you must die, you should die for something worth while. That you believe in.

I believe in Nikita. She's worth while. I can't think of a better reason to die.

The doors open, and I walk in to greet my fate with a wavering blank stare as I see her standing there, awaiting me.

**-continued in part two-**


	2. Part Two

_**Part 2**_

He had been sent for. But I still don't know how I'll go through with this. My heart weeps for the situation I find myself in. More so, it weeps for Michael.

Yes, he may be a killer. An efficient murderer. He deceives and lies to everyone, including myself.

But in this, he was completely innocent.

Yet he'll be the one to pay.

What was once Section's finest, has been ruined. I, myself, ruined. He worked hard for his reputation. Everyone will know of his sacrifices and disobedience. They will not cherish it like I do. Nor cry in the middle of the night, knowing what must happen because of it.

Yes, I've spent many, many a night awake and crying. Even when still encircled in his arms, while he slept on, unaware of my traitorousness.

He was always so good to me. So wonderful. I've never known anyone that could compare. He always assumed I was innocent. He took my word. He didn't doubt me.

And for his loyalty; for his love, I must stab him in the back. Let him know that he was a fool for loving me.

I never meant this to happen. I only wanted to help. To change Section. To make it better for the good of the recruits and abeyance.

But the situation has turned against me. And in turn, against Michael.

No one had ever trusted me with anything. Never in my life, has someone looked me in the eye and said, 'I trust you completely.'

Michael had. He entrusted his life, and his son, in my care. He trusted me utmost, when he admits to never trusting any one. I'm the only one who holds that.

And look what I've done with it.

He's going to come in here. He'll see that I've lied to him. Not over the few days we were away. Not for the months we've been so close to each other.

But for years, I've lied to him. For years, I've let him hold me in his arms. To install faith and trust in me. To allow him to learn to love me, even after I knew of all his grief.

The thought alone threatens to shatter me. I don't dare let my thoughts wander to how Michael shall feel. I know I won't be able to live if I put too much thought in to it just now. There would be plenty of cold, silent nights for me to do that.

I have to face him. Any moment now. I don't know how I'll keep my composure. I've managed to see him by myself. I had hope that perhaps, if he didn't see me with Mr. Jones, behind a glass wall, it would be easier for him. If he'd see only me, he'd sense that it wasn't all a lie.

Funny, how those words come back to haunt me in this hour. For years, I made him guilt over lying to me. But I remember, while drifting in and out of consciousness, his soft kiss as he told me that not all the sweet things he had said were a lie. After the hours I grieved from his disloyalty to me. He had made up for it.

But I had turned around and did the same thing. It was my turn to utter those words. For my heart to break as it reaches out to him in crumbling hope that he won't turn me away, knowing full well that he should.

I'm not so sure seeing him alone was such a good idea anymore. I stare at my hands - they're trembling terribly. My knees wobble so that I can barely stand. My throat is so dry that I wonder how I'll be able to speak at all.

I need to pull myself together. If I don't, I'll fail both Michael and Mr. Jones. If I fail Michael, there won't be a hope for me to live after this. If I fail Mr. Jones, I'll be dead before the day is out.

I only wanted good to come out of this. I only wanted to change Section for the better. To help the lives of the operative. To keep new recruits from going through the hell I had to, and countless others before me.

In hopes that Section would never be able to ruin anyone else like they had Michael. They'd broken and shattered him, to the point where he could barely keep together the seams of being a human being. He was like a wounded, abused wild animal, trapped in an overruling, too small cage. It wasn't fair. It wasn't humane. And I wanted it stopped. I have seen the results. I've fallen in love with a man that bears scars that are buried just too deep. It's heart wrenching.

I never wanted it to be this way. But it's come to this. And now, I know what I must tell him. To top off everything he must be thinking of me right now, he's going to walk in here, and I must give out his sentence.

Before I came here, Mr. Jones gave me a thorough speech. No matter what, I had to go through with the orders.

The orders that Michael must die for the love he proved was the utmost importance.

I don't know how I'll get around them, but these orders can not stand. I won't allow Michael to die. I just haven't figured out how to prevent them. But I've always found a way before. Michael and I, we kept each other alive this long. I've betrayed him, ruined his reputation, but at least I can find some way to let him keep his life.

"Michael Samuelle has arrived," the operative says through the comm.

He's here. It's time to face my fate.

The doors open, and I see his green eyes stare solidly back at me. I hold my breath as he walks forward.

My mouth opens, and words manage to flow while my thoughts still work on my alternate plan for him.

**-K.S.-**


End file.
